Practical Habit Training: Everyday Applications

One of the hardest aspects of adopting Charlotte Mason's philosophy of education is learning how to apply her ideas practically in everyday life. Many parents understand that Mason emphasized the importance of habit training—but what does that actually look like in the trenches of motherhood? Practical examples are invaluable here.

Below, I share three seemingly simple habits that have proven especially helpful for our family.

In Home Education, Mason writes:

"…it is unchangeably true that the child who is not being constantly raised to a higher and a higher platform will sink to a lower and a lower. Wherefore, it is as much the parent's duty to educate his child into moral strength and purpose and intellectual activity as it is to feed him and clothe him; and that in spite of his nature, if it must be so."^1^

This tells us several important things:

• Parents bear an ongoing responsibility to help children grow in good habits
• Many of the habits Mason encourages—cleanliness, orderliness, manners, attention, self-control, and fortitude—may run counter to a child's natural inclinations
• There are no neutral moments in parenting; even seemingly trivial circumstances can be used to cultivate habit and character

Though the habits below may appear minor, it is the accumulation of small, daily practices that ultimately shape character.

Habit 1: "Here I Am"

Have you ever briefly lost sight of a child at a crowded playground, in a store, or while exploring outdoors? That moment of uncertainty can be deeply stressful—especially when you call your child's name and receive no response.

With four young children, it is impossible for me to keep my eyes on everyone at all times. One habit that has given our family tremendous freedom is teaching children to respond clearly and immediately with, "Here I am!" when called.

As simple as this habit may seem, intentionally training it has allowed my children to explore and play more independently without constant hovering. Even in our own backyard, I can quickly check in when I cannot see them. As children grow older, they can even add location details: "Here I am—by the woodpile!" or "Here I am—up in the tree!"

How to Train This Habit

The first rule of habit training is to ensure children can practice and experience success in advance. For my children (ages six, five, four, and three), we introduced this through play—we call it the "Here I Am" game.

Pre-training should be lighthearted, enjoyable, and brief. Just as Mason advocated for short lessons, habit training often works best in two- to three-minute sessions. I explain the game ahead of time: "Let's play the 'Here I Am' game. You go hide, and when I say, 'Where are you?' you jump out and say as loudly as you can, 'Here I am!'"

We practiced this at home over the course of a week or two, then gradually introduced it in other contexts—on walks, at the park, and in stores. These low-stakes environments lay the mental "rails" so that when the habit is truly needed, the child responds without hesitation.

Habit 2: "May I Touch This?"

Young children are naturally inclined to touch everything. Teaching a child to ask, "May I touch this?" before picking something up is invaluable in many situations—whether it involves a sibling's Lego creation, a parent's purse, or an item that belongs to a stranger.

By teaching this habit proactively, we avoid becoming reactive—constantly saying, "Don't touch," or "Put that down." Instead, we set children up for success by giving them clear social boundaries in advance.

How to Train This Habit

We again begin with pre-training. We set expectations verbally, then play the "May I touch this?" game while walking through the house. Sometimes the answer is yes; other times it is no. The activity is kept short and positive.

From there, we practice the habit in varied contexts: grandparents' homes, grocery stores, friends' houses, or siblings' bedrooms. This repetition across environments helps solidify the habit so that children are prepared when real-life situations arise.

Habit 3: "Assess the Situation"

This habit is more general and can be applied across many situations. Teaching children to "assess the situation" simply means helping them pause and use their eyes and ears to observe their surroundings before acting.

We first introduced this habit when my husband began working from home. Our children frequently wanted to enter his office to talk or show him something. Rather than issuing constant prohibitions, we taught them to assess the situation.

Specifically, they were instructed to place their ear against the office door and listen. If they heard Dad speaking, they knew he was in a meeting and should not knock. If the room was quiet, they could knock politely and wait for an invitation to enter.

Over time, this language naturally generalized to other contexts. Now, I can simply say, "Assess the situation," before entering places like church or the library. The phrase cues children to pause, observe, and adjust their behavior accordingly—using quiet voices, walking calmly, or whispering as appropriate.

This habit also supports children in learning how to transition from high-energy states to low-energy ones, an important developmental skill discussed by Dr. Bill St. Cyr in The Pursuit of Maturity.

Considerations for Habit Training

Habit training will look different in every household. Charlotte Mason cautioned against reducing her philosophy to a rigid system—what works for one family may not be appropriate for another. Each child has unique strengths and weaknesses, and habits should be chosen accordingly.

The examples above have been helpful for our family, but your focus may be entirely different. Mason outlines more than fifty habit categories. If you are unsure where to begin, consider this question: Which single habit, if improved tomorrow, would most positively impact our family life?

You might also begin with a broader goal and narrow it to a specific habit. For example, if orderliness is a priority, you could start with the habit of placing shoes neatly by the door.

A Few Final Reminders

• Always consider your child's age, language development, and personhood
• A poor habit is best overcome by replacing it with a more attractive one
• Habit formation takes time—Rome was not built in a day
• Atmosphere matters

As Mason reminds us:

"Habits of gentleness, courtesy, kindness, candour, respect for other people… are inspired by the child as the very atmosphere of his home, the air he lives in and must grow by."^2^

In other words, the environment we cultivate matters deeply.

Sources

1. Charlotte Mason, Home Education (Living Book Press, 2017), p. 103
2. Charlotte Mason, Home Education (Living Book Press, 2017), p. 137