How Charlotte Mason Impacted My Parenting

I was raised in the church and had heard the gospel message countless times throughout my life. Yet it wasn't until I got married and became a mother that I began wrestling deeply with theological questions and earnestly seeking wisdom on how to raise my children in a way that honored God.

By God's grace, I was introduced to Charlotte Mason in 2017.

At first, much of what I read in Mason's volumes felt dense and difficult to grasp. Still, the portions I did understand were profoundly compelling. I knew I had been given a gift. Her ideas painted a beautiful picture of the purpose of parenthood—one that honored a child's God-given personhood while cultivating habits of discipline that gently exposed children to the beauty of God's design for humanity and the gospel itself.

When Legalism Crept In

However, as my children transitioned from babyhood into toddlerhood, I began to question whether Mason's ideas were truly "enough." For a variety of reasons, my focus shifted. I became more concerned with external obedience than with parenting in a way that reflected Christ's love. I feared my children would not respect my authority, and punishment slowly became my primary parenting tool.

I rigidly expected first-time obedience, often at the expense of compassion. Unknowingly, I had become entangled in a web of legalism. All the while, Mason's ideas lingered quietly in the back of my mind.

Over time, the cognitive dissonance became almost unbearable. My parenting bore little resemblance to the life-giving vision Mason described. Yet God, in His mercy, did not leave me there. Through prayer and time spent in Scripture, He began to free me from legalism—and He used Charlotte Mason as part of that work.

Why We Can't Rely on a System for Parenting

Eventually, I realized that I had been relying on a system to inform my parenting decisions and disciplinary moments. Charlotte Mason defines a system as "the observing of rules until the habit of doing certain things… is confirmed." She explains that systems are alluring precisely because they promise predictable results.^1^

As humans, we are drawn to systems. Input X, and output Y seems guaranteed. Systems are helpful—sometimes even necessary—for tasks like learning a recipe, understanding a car engine, or solving a math equation.

But the human soul is far more complex. Each child is a unique, eternal being made in the image of God.

It's often said that there is no manual for parenting, yet we continually search for one. Parenting through flowcharts or rigid "if this, then that" rules fails to account for the nuance, mystery, and individuality of human beings. Even more concerning, reliance on systems subtly pushes the Holy Spirit to the margins—when He should be central in guiding our parenting.

Allowing the Holy Spirit to Lead

How often do we adopt parenting strategies without first seeking the counsel of the Holy Spirit? We are quick to look horizontally—to influencers, books, friends, family, or even church culture—for guidance. While wisdom can certainly be found in community, it must always be brought before the Lord and tested against Scripture.

Charlotte Mason reminds us that:

"God the Holy Spirit is Himself the Supreme Educator."^2^

He works through ideas—whether conveyed by books, voices, or unseen means—and our responsibility lies in how we receive or reject them.

The ideas we embrace about parenting are not neutral. They shape everything we say and do. For example, if we primarily view our children as wayward sinners in constant need of correction, we may unintentionally portray God as punitive and impatient. In contrast, viewing children as whole persons—made in God's image and worthy of dignity—creates space for grace, mercy, and love.

This does not deny the reality of sin, but it frees us from believing it is our job to eradicate sin through constant punishment. Our highest calling is to woo our children with the love of Christ and to parent them as God parents us—with gentleness, kindness, mercy, and grace.

This requires dependence on the Holy Spirit rather than rigid adherence to a man-made system.

Discipleship Requires More Than Punishment

Modern Christian culture often presents punishment as the primary means of discipline. By definition, punishment involves suffering or loss as retribution. Charlotte Mason challenged this approach, asserting that:

"exceedingly little actual punishment is necessary where children are brought up with care."^3^

Interestingly, Mason still emphasized obedience as one of the most critical habits to cultivate. The question, then, is not whether obedience matters, but how it is formed.

She explains that strict, fear-based obedience often produces rebellion rather than virtue. Children coerced into submission are not trained in willing obedience "because it is right," but because it is convenient.^4^ Obedience rooted in fear does not reflect the heart of God.

Drawing Disciples

Discipleship is not built on force. Mason writes:

"He who would draw disciples does not trust to force; but to the attraction of his doctrine, to the persuasion of his presentation, and to the enthusiasm of his disciples."^5^

As followers of Christ, we are called to make disciples—not by wielding punishment as our primary tool, but by presenting truth with love, patience, and conviction.

Just as it would be absurd to build a house using only a hammer, it is equally limiting to rely on a single parenting tool to nurture the human soul.

Freedom in Parenting

God designed families uniquely, each with distinct strengths, weaknesses, and cultures. What works for one family may not work for another.

When we surrender our need for control and allow the Holy Spirit to lead, we gain freedom—freedom to parent our children with wisdom, creativity, compassion, and faith.

Sources

Charlotte Mason, Home Education (Living Book Press, 2017), p. 10
Charlotte Mason, Parents and Children (Living Book Press, 2017), p. 230
Charlotte Mason, Parents and Children (Living Book Press, 2017), p. 67
Charlotte Mason, Home Education (Living Book Press, 2017), p. 148
Charlotte Mason, Home Education (Living Book Press, 2017), p. 162